Moved.

Blogger has been good to me. For four and a half years.

But I think I need to move. I don't know, life isn't the best gift to us in the world to be honest, because as cliched as it is life isn't a bed of roses. I haven't been having the best of times lately. And when I don't feel good I like to write down things and vent them somewhere, and I always do on this online diary of mine. But lately there is this... barrier? idk, between me and my habit. Like I don't want to post things here for some unknown reason. And it makes me sadder the fact that nothing ever goes right and I'm actually hesitating to write things down.

So, I am moving to tumblr. No, it's not the one where I reblog my fandoms, it's an entirely new blog I've set up for my journal. I wanted to go on lj, but I already have an account and I'm not too keen to ship all my entries to a community. Hence, tumblr it is. It's been on my mind for quite some time already, and I think I'm really leaving blogger so I don't feel so restricted. Blogger has been good to me. Thanks. But fret not I'm still leaving this here, so maybe one day when I'm feeling like it I'll come back and read all the childish posts I've written in the past. And I'm still stalking blogs of friends who update once in a blue moon :D

And to my friends who always read my annoying rants and offer me words of consolation and advice, thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. :)

For people who care, here. If not, please don't bother because this will be a place where ideas for anything under the sun (fics, plans etc) will be written, insecurities sprawled across the page in the form of words and pretty much unexpected stuff, all entirely for personal purposes only.

Thanks Blogger. For sticking through some of the shittiest times though in the end we still couldn't go on together.

Bye.

They say that

when you've hit rock bottom there is no way else but up. but where and when exactly is rock bottom? I don't know. when things seem to get better somehow it just gets worse the next moment. when will it all stop?

should be studying but I'm not

So.... I mentioned like, months ago that I really wanted a laptop to replace my old, old super duper old grandpa computer that had been with me since eons ago. First my original one which stuck with me since I was 13 crashed, and since my brother was getting his new computer specially for gaming (RM 3000, no kidding, that brat should be extremely grateful) and had no use for his old one, my parents took both the PCUs to the repair shop, and suddenly my mum called up to ask if I wanted to merge both the PCs together.

And me being me, desperate for the return of my precious computer, agreed.

And I really regret it right now. My brother's computer used to be the family computer and was bought since I was in primary school, around the age of 10? 11? I don't know, somewhere there. But it was considered as a really really new model in the market, so it's not surprising it can last for like, erm, seven to eight years. But you know boys, they don't really bother with taking great care of their computers and crap, at least not my brother. When I got back my hybrid computer from the repair shop I was really expecting efficiency and speed unlike my original computer, lagging and all that shit (but I found out I actually didn't install something when I manually reformatted it so it's partly my fault :P) but it turns out, the fucking CD drive is extremely noisy, and the performance didn't really improve much anyway. And it'll cost me 99 bucks just to change the CD drive. Recently, my computer's been freezing every time I log on Tumblr or Youtube, presumably cos' it can't really keep up or handle with the huge files of gifs and videos. It can freaking lag up to 15 minutes and in the end I get so frustrated I just turn off the switch at the main plug. Not even Ctrl+Alt+Delete could save my ass then.

Pissed. And what's more, the damned CD drive isn't working anymore and there is this really, really loud annoying sound coming from inside and from time to time I really have half a mind to just take a sledgehammer and smash this piece of technology crap to bits. Or fling it off Mount Everest or something and watch it explode like fireworks.

The basic functions are still okay, FOR NOW. I can open Words, though sometimes it freezes AGAIN and I get pissed AGAIN because I couldn't save in time. Thank goodness for autosave. The fact that I can sit here and blog about this is a miracle. I want a new laptop. My parents are really nice about it though, that's the good thing. My mum's been asking me occasionally if I wanted to get that MacBook Pro I've been eyeing at for months, but idk, it's kind of expensive I really wonder I should spend it on a laptop. I love my sister's Mac, well, except for the times I don't have a mouse and have to manually scroll and right click stuff.

We went to the Apple reseller to check out prices. And since the Retina Display model has been getting much hype lately my parents were considering getting it. But the most noticeable downside of it is the loss of the built-in CD player. I asked around, and found out the external CD drive costs RM 249, which I find it quite ridiculous despite its sleek model and smooth aluminium surface. And the RD MacBook is really expensive, despite my uncle from Singapore telling me that if I want a MacBook I should go for the latest, and that it's cheaper to get it in Malaysia than in Singapore. Well, idk, it's a laptop with top-notch graphics they say, and when I tried the demo displayed on the counter I couldn't really see the difference between the RD and Pro 15". :/ Maybe it's the fine details or something, idk, cos I only got like 3 minutes of time to check the models out before my parents tugged me out of the store.

The brochure I got stated that for a 256GB flash RD model it costs RM 6,799. At first I was puzzled, I mean, 256GB? While the 15" Pro model had 500GB for RM 5,499. Is it even enough storage space? As much as I like quality stuff, I put a lot of emphasis on storage too. Saving pics, downloading songs, installing software, it takes up a lot of space and eventually poof 256 GB gone. And hard discs are nothing but trouble. If possible I want to just store everything in a reliable laptop and back up important documents in a pen drive. The USB chip doesn't malfunction when you accidentally let it go for a swim in the washing machine.

So.... idk. RD has really improved and high-speed processors, it's thin and light according the reviews I read and the cooling system is great, but STORAGE. And it's 15". I don't want to stuff a huge freaking oversized laptop into my bag. What if it doesn't fit? Somehow, lots of people use MacBook Air as a comparison to RD, but imo if I were to get RD I might as well get Air, and if I'm gonna get Air I might as well go for Pro. ://// I don't want the normal Windows laptops because omg, remember that time I tried using my dad's HP laptop? The result is horrendous. I like Windows XP. Windows 7 is bullshit for me. All that glare (adjusting the brightness doesn't even work it's either too dark or too bright omg my eyes it burns) and messy organising. I know you're trying to have pretty sophisticated icons for your files but seriously, it's really weird and annoying to try and decipher the heck those files are about. But I don't mind that, I could always get used to it, it's the GLARE and OPAQUE-ness of the system I terribly, horribly abhor. I can stare at my monitor all day long and never get tired, but when it comes to my dad's laptop mother of god my eyes hurt in just two hours.

So unless I actually find a nice laptop with Windows 7 which I like, I'm just putting Mac on my list. I think Pro is awesome, 13" is just nice for me (though I'd be getting the same model as my sister) but RD has more advanced technology, and eventually all new macs are gonna go with RD's advanced technology and by then I don't know it it's possible to upgrade the 13" MacBook Pro. :// It's heavy, but thinner than most laptops I've seen in the market which I like a lot because it saves me a lot of space. But the price. 13" isn't so bad, I could get a 500 GB one for 3,700. It's RD that bothers me. 6,800 for 256GB flash (what does this flash thingy do anyway, is it something that makes it faster or what), and that doesn't include the external CD drive (249) and the fact that I have to buy an external Ethernet cable if I want to connect my laptop to a modem just makes the price ridiculously higher. And for the 512 GB RD one it's a freaking 8,699 ringgit. DAFUQ? I DON'T WANT TO SPEND 10,000 ON A LAPTOP. THAT'S JUST INSANE. I COULD BUY A TICKET TO AUSTRALIA OR EUROPE FOR A NICE ONE-WEEK VACATION. OR BUY ALL THE ALBUMS I WANT.

Damn. asdjckjshdcjkdh I wish my computer was portable anywhere I go. Laptops are just such a hassle. ;__;

DRAFT IS DONE 8DDDDDDDDDDDDD

finally coming into shape after.... erm... four months of neglect, procrastination, missed chances and writer's block.


I swear, my muse visits at the most inappropriate of times.

Bummer. And I was getting all fired up to finish this piece of nightmare by eight and now I have to go out. Guess it's not happening. Oh well.

Stop talking about the past.

Please. I don't need constant reminders from you about how I was to you back then. Times change, people change. This is me right now, so just accept it. I don't give a shit about how I used to behave back then, but when you compare it really somehow just dampens my spirits and from the amount of shitty things I go through everyday you are not helping at all. Accept this, because I'm not gonna go back to becoming who you want me to be. Not even sorry. With those life battles every single person goes through in life in this fucking world, no one will ever be the same as how they started off at the beginning.

I can't believe I actually experienced that feeling, that feeling when something you like takes you by surprise and proves you wrong and because you're just in plain shock it's like your whole world goes blank and you almost fainted for that millisecond but in an instant you're back still breathing again despite going through that initial shock. I don't know, it's like one moment I was scrolling past my newsfeed checking for EXO updates then it took me by surprise. And by surprise I mean really surprise. I remember rereading the whole thing again and again just to convince myself it was true and that my suspicion is confirmed then suddenly my eyes actually roll upwards and my head lolls back (thank god for my chair supporting my head). But it was only for like, what, a millisecond or so before I gained consciousness again. Weird. This feeling is very weird. But I'm glad I'm not upset or anything after reading that: just kind of shocked but the feeling's subsiding. Suddenly I feel kind of tired though. Oh well. It seems like my intuition was correct; I'm so glad I kept my distance and saved myself from a whole truckload of mess. And I should continue to do so, keep my distance I mean. It's a good thing. Phew. Finally it's over and I don't have to overthink about things anymore, though this sort of made me lost my goal to study. Meh, I think it'll be all right. It always is. Sze Pei fighting!

it's done. it's fucking done. and just before the deadline too.

/cries in relief.

Self esteem and insecurity issues aside, August is coming.

And for me, August is a month filled with personal activities I hope everything works out fine.

First, there's EXO's supposed comeback (just where on earth are the teasers damn it I want to hear Baby Don't Cry full version ok sment stop trolling it's probably all you're good at ugh), and music stages and voting and cheering and monitoring all their performances while drooling over their perfection and otp moments and asdcjkashdckjasgdlkcjgeuasgc dealing with feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelsss

I wonder if there'll be photocards this time I hope there are need to see oppas' faces akshdjasyewgdjks >.<

Also, there's that rumoured Super Junior 6jib repackaged album coming out with new songs so damn awesome once us ELFs hear it we'll faint and die on the spot, according to Leeteuk. And I wanna see a new MV for their new single hit ;___;

The korean remake of Hana Kimi is airing on good ol' August too. This is the first time I'm actually excited about a Korean drama airing because mah precious EXO babies are in there even though they're only extras all I want to see is their faces and acting even if it's only lifting a chair or something I don't give a damn about Minho and Sulli melikes the manga good enough nothing can ever compare to the original manga unless To the Beautiful You is actually gonna follow the entire plot of the manga then there's a chance my opinion will change.

On a side note WHY IS YESUNG NOT IN THE DRAMA DAMN IT HE SHOULD BE PLAYING TAIKI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HE WAS BORN TO PLAY THE ROLE OF TAIKI WAEE SMENT WAEEEE Y U NO GIVE HIM TAIKI'S ROLE?? :((

And speaking of Yesung, AUGUST 24TH IS A SACRED DAY FOR ME BECAUSE DUDE IT'S KIM JONGWOON'S BIRTHDAY GONNA WRITE A LONG APPRECIATION POST ON TUMBLR DEDICATED TO THIS PERFECT CREATION IDGAF IF I HAVE EXAMS THE NEXT DAY OR NOT AND I'M GONNA REBLOG ALL THE YESUNG PHOTOS WHEEEEEEEEEEEE


Next week officially starts my studying period. Halfway through this post I had to send my brother for his drum lessons and on the road home, I finally told myself out loud that I really need to try and buck up my grades, because it's proven (in my case) that people do actually look down on you when you have grades lower than theirs. It's an undeniable fact that happens to the majority of today's society. No, don't deny it, because when I say 'look down' it actually has many stages. You can be friends with someone who isn't really the smartass of your group, but usually you won't turn to her whenever you need an opinion or help unless it's the last resort, usually in academics even if she offers you the correct answer to your question there is still that seed of doubt that makes you distrust her. It has happened on my case numerous times, even with my best friends I'll be honest, I'm not going to turn a blind eye on this matter anymore. Whenever it happens, it really hurts me but looking back, all I did was wallow in self-pity and sometimes cry on the inside about it, then ignore it and go back to deluding myself with things that can make me happy.

Right now, I'm going to try my best to study hard. I don't know how far I can go and stick with this... regime (yes, regime, it's like a battlefield for me therefore my choice of word is justified). Weekdays study all I can and occasionally relax while Tuesdays and Fridays stay back in school with friends who I can turn to for answers and are willing to help me, while Friday nights and weekends I can go online and catch up on what I missed out on my fandoms unless exams are near and I need to study.

I really have to thank my school camp and team for this, it's because of them I finally hardened my resolve to study harder and try my best to get at least 2 A's out of 4 subjects. I felt really insignificant sometimes when I was with them because hello they're all smart people with amazing grades while I'm just a nobody who's stuck in kpop escapism to help deal and cope with my unhappiness for much too long. I don't deny it. K-pop is an escape for us all unhappy people, we love our fandoms because it makes us happy, seeing them makes us happy, and it does help us to forget or ignore about shitty things that's happening around us. It's wayyyyy better than drugs (gosh I should introduce kpop to drug addicts this is such a fucking good idea) and to be honest I'm never leaving my fandoms behind no matter what, but I think it's high time I started taking my grades seriously or else I think I'm never getting into med school.

I don't even know if studying medicine is my dream but at least it's somewhere I can go. I know I probably won't have time for fandoms if I actually study medicine (just look at sis -.-), but it's a clear path for me even if I'm not particularly fond of it.

So, I guess that's all for now. It won't be so bad, I think I'm setting a realistic goal for myself because it's me myself I'm fighting for, no one else.

I just hope I survive.

home again.

Camp was a blast. Really, this is one of the best camps I've ever attended, and it's all thanks to the awesome team I'm in. I've laughed so much for the past two days I'm really surprised yet glad at the same time because it's been so long since human interaction in real life got me to laugh so damn hard I think I almost spilled my guts.

It's all thanks to my team, really. Those moodmakers with endless random comments that pop out of nowhere and take us all by surprise. Without them, my camp experience would be vastly different I think I wouldn't even enjoy it as much as I do now. Talent time preparation started off okay for me, the getting-to-know-each-other stage and all, then towards the actual camping day I started to dread practices because it took up a lot of time and I really got phobic of staying back to finish up projects and stuff after last year's experience. Plus informal rehearsals always land exactly when lunch breaks end and me being a punctuality freak, well, it really wrecked my nerves.

But the two days of camp really changed my mind. I think our team bond is extremely strong, except for me. I feel bad for not being able to contribute more like how other people do. Especially today during our last game. I felt really helpless because everyone had a role and I had none, and that made me feel really left out I suppose. I can't make funny jokes, the stuff I say are lame (no one seems to laugh), and all I can do is draw and help design stuff but compared to others teams I'm still lacking a lot. So on the bus back to college I was pretty much just dwelling in the lowest pits of emotions and occasionally laughing to Mr Lim's awesome and hilarious Fantastic Baby dance.

But, lunch made up for it. We had our last meal as a team and the jokes really made me laugh my ass off I don't think I ever laughed so hard during mealtimes before. Really gotta salute the moodmakers. I think our table atmosphere was the best out of all and it was, indeed, a happy meal! I think I 'laughed till I was full' instead of 'ate till I was full'. Truly awesome. Selfish as I maybe for saying this, but when I look back I think happiness was really the most important thing instead of contribution. I'm not saying that contribution isn't important. It is. But let's just say even if I were to contribute a lot to a group yet didn't feel happy at all it would've been pointless.

Contribution is important yes indeed it is, but enjoying the whole camp is too. I did contribute to my team, but I just feel that in terms of physical games like sandcastle-building and the item game I really didn't help at all. And it's just sad because it made me feel like maybe, maybe I'm really not that important to the team and that they don't like me.

That's the thing about strangers. You don't know their opinion of you and so you create barriers and ground limits as to not invade personal space and stuff.

But that's just my self-esteem issues with a touch of reality. Overall camp was AWESOME. Our teamwork was good, especially when we played the chair-passing game (though I accidentally hit the forehead of the guy who was in front of me I AM SO SORRY ><) and basically, we had fun. Lots of fun. Filled with laughter and cheers.

Thank you Brown Team! Wouldn't want to be in any other team but Team Brown!

Boys Like Girls "Be Your Everything" Official Lyric Video

I stood up for myself today.

And it felt good.

So.

Things are starting to get busy again. How long has it been since I've designed T-shirts and started worrying about this and that?

Do I miss it? Do I miss those busy, hectic moments of high school where I just feel my lifespan has been shortened by a few decades?

It's an experience, an unforgettable experience in which I learned a lot, but no, I don't miss it.

I hate being a hypocrite.

It's my blog. I post what I want.

I reblog what I want.

Why is it that I'm afraid of actually doing it when I always tell people it's their rights to do so?

I need to stand up for myself. 

I shouldn't budge for other people and create unnecessary trouble for myself. Sometimes I need to be a bit more selfish. I used to think the happiness of others is much more important than mine, because when they're happy I'll be happy. But as time passes I find that it's not the case. Sometimes you feel worse because inside you're suffering silently and the negativity just swallows you whole. 

I haven't felt like this for a long time. I guess it has come back to haunt me again.

Super Junior_Sexy, Free & Single_Music Video

Okay guys (if anybody's reading this anyway) I'm sharing this video as much as I can to help them fare better on the charts so prepare yourself for constant sharing of this awesome MV from time to time.

SUPER JUNIOR FIGHTING. 6JIB JJANG!

July

I just hope this sense of emptiness goes away soon. There's only so much running away and turning to variety shows can do. After the euphoria, just like getting yourself drunk, sobriety hits you and there's nothing you can do about it.

One of my philosophies of life is to never question- okay, rephrase, never regret a decision I've made or chosen (wait they're both the same -.-), but right now I'm really starting to question that. I keep on wondering how it would've been if I had chosen art instead of science, and the recent exam has only made me think more about it because honestly, my grades aren't up to expectation and looking at everyone around me getting better grades effortlessly just makes me more than pissed it deflates me.

man this paper was tough she said, yeah it was omg i'm gonna fail so worried right now three months later she gets a fucking c or borderline b and her friends get an a it's not even amusing to her anymore

hi, when i tell you about my feelings i'm being honest and genuine here if the paper was easy for you please do say so and not give me false hopes we were in the same boat thank you very much a thought like geez how did i even survive high school with you just passed through my mind and i thought it was really, really super mean it actually appeared in my mind but whatever i'm just sad here so imma type it out because one, you won't read this anyway and two, you probably don't fucking care.

It seems like I'm too stupid for you guys to notice anyway. Yeah go on with your intellectual discussion there don't mind about me sitting behind you alone hurt because you didn't even ask what grades I got or show any form of concern anyway and I am just tired of constantly being the one to attempt to start a fucking conversation. And plus I'm probably too stupid because I didn't get A's like you did I am sorry I ever existed in this place perhaps I would've done better as a fucking table yeah that sounds great maybe I can be the chair Yesung likes to sit on or the mic during EXO's stage performances or become Onew's favourite chicken yeah I don't mind.

Some people get tired after a while. I'm one of them. K-Pop has been a great motivation and distraction for me, and it still is, but I know I can't run away from reality forever. Wallowing in self pity hasn't been my style for quite some time, but I don't think I can keep this in much longer. It's been inside me since months ago, just that at that time it seemed like turning an eye away from it seemed easier I guess.



I can do this. So many people have survived and lived with negativity. At least I have best friends outside of school that I know do care and my daily fix of k-pop to bring me happiness. I should be contented and strive for more. What am I going to do about my grades? Well, the logical thing to say this instant would be STUDY HARDER AND GET A'S but from a realistic perspective, it'll be hard. Possible, but hard. It'd take constant, daily studying, and my internet/computer usage will probably be cut down A LOT. :///

I'll just do the best I can under circumstances, and at the same time, making myself happy and trying to obtain as much as I can the best of both worlds.

I can do this. Yeah, that's what I tell myself every time.

Keeping myself awake with SHINee's Hello Baby for Super Junior's 6jib comeback

THEY'RE BACK. SEXY, FREE AND SINGLE.

it hurts so so so so much like shit and i feel like dying right now. I can't sleep because of the pain omg it hurts i wish i never got sick I wish the stupid school never implemented some stupid fucking rule saying you can't go for toilet breaks during lectures then i wouldn't have not drank water and then everything would've been fine

stupid school messing everything up i hate you i fucking hate you it hurts so much for now i wish you could feel the pain so you would abolish that stupid rule it hurts so much i feel like crying

I need prompts..........

It hit me just now, having internet sites that you frequent listed as your best friends is really kind of worrisome. I think in the future human interaction is really screwed. Whatever. At least they make me happy. Shan't think so much right now and just focus on exams.

I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone.

Two weeks gone. (wishing somebody can tell me I don't have to go to school anymore and that I will never have to sit for tests ever again)

I think,

it's those nights when you wake up but can't go back to sleep that everything you've been avoiding catches up with you and haunts you until you feel really insecure. It's kind of sad, and I just hope it doesn't happen again. On a side note, I think I really need a new laptop. I (okay fine, my mum) didn't spend money to repair my computer back to life only to have it dying again after what, one month or two for nothing. I think I should just get a laptop this time for real, even though I always think of those thousands of cash I'd have to spend to get one and chicken out in the end.

a week gone.

and my life is taken away from me starting from tomorrow.

Goodbye internet. I hope to see you soon on the 9th and 10th to check for updates for SMTOWN in Taiwan.


Man, and I really planned on posting my kaisoo drabble today. But the creative juices just didn't flow, and I can't do anything about it.

I'll miss you terribly dear modem. ;__;

6 Years with ELF.

It doesn't matter whether you're an ELF from the beginning, you just have to be an ELF until the end. -Choi Siwon, Super Junior

Thank you Super Junior, for letting me learn and discover so many things about myself I was always afraid to. With all you 15 members, I've learnt that it's okay to be different, that some things are just the way they are meant to be and we can't change anything about it, and to let go of things that cannot be helped.

If the world betrays Super Junior, ELF will betray the world.

6 years. I may not have been there from the start, but I'll be there till the very 'and', it's not an end but an 'and'. We're not called Ever-Lasting Friends for nothing.

URINEUN ELF-O-YEO!

We're going to continue on until the day that Pearl Sapphire Blue balloons cover the entire world. -Leeteuk (Park Jungsoo), leader of Super Junior

Again, Tumblr?

You know how much I hate you right now?

I just reblogged five pics for today and you tell me I've exceeded my daily post limit what is this shit.

what the fuck tumblr I just woke up today and got on tumblr and reblogged like, my tenth post AND WHAT IS THIS SHIT ABOUT ME EXCEEDING MY DAILY POST LIMIT?! I'VE REBLOGGED LIKE A HUNDRED POSTS BEFORE IN THE PAST AND THIS NEVER HAPPENED WHAT ON FUCKING EARTH IS THIS SHIT. WHAT ON STUPID EARTH UGH.

 

I hate you. My Yesung babycakes and delicious Bacon Baekhyun are waiting for me to reblog their pretty pictures and you start cockblocking it's just so ugh.

i think my body really has an internal clock

it's like, lol bitch i know it's your holidays right now i'll let all the exhaustion finally fall on your shoulders all of a sudden so you can't take it any more and have to take a nap and drool

yeah, i took a nap all right. first time in months. i feel so weird now, because i can't remember when was the last time i had one (i know it's last year but still) and how it felt like. how did i even take naps last year lol i was so busy with school and exams and fucking co-curricular activities i rarely got to come home straight away after school except during exam periods. but then again even in exam periods i still have to go for stupid tuition sometimes.

oh well.

Upset. Really upset now.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate how time is simply not on my side? Fuck this.

Okay, so here's what you're going to do, dear self, take a shower right now, grab pen and paper, start scribbling, open words, and just start typing. You have two weeks, forget studying. Fucking tests took up your fucking month and caused all this fucking shit anyway.

if those fucking tests never happened or got crammed into one week (IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED) this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't be so upset. Fuck those teachers. Our results were destined to suck shit anyway so why bother?

My obligations to studying and being a good student is just so vexing this is like the nth time I'm getting upset over something I never once did. Priorities are shit. You can't have the best of both worlds, but it just sucks, fucking sucks when you lose something you love so so much because of something you hate but have to do just because it's your fucking responsibility.

Fuck this.

That moment when you see something you love taken away from you. Okay, gonna take a shower now, calm down. it's okay.

Two weeks. I won't be studying, unless I finish four out of eight titles on my fic list. Late nights here I come.I don't care that I'm exhausted from late nights and stress for the past two or three weeks because my creativity and originality is at stake here. Wait, or more like it has already been taken away from me anyway. These two are very important to me, and I can't afford to lose them again over my studies. I'm unhappy when I study, I'm unhappy when I realise things didn't work out the way I wanted them to be, so why bother? I want happiness, everyone does (contradict me and I will personally hunt you down and fucking slit your wrists because I am just pissed right now), so why am I pushing it away?

I studied. I fucking studied and put aside the things I loved doing thinking it'd be okay, and look where it got me. Anger and upset.

Two weeks. Watch out. I'm coming.

a much more cheerful post this time.

Boys Like Girl's new album this fall - Crazy World.

Holy shit. During summer SJ's releasing their 6th album, while rumour has it EXO is gonna release a full-length album during summer as well. And now BLG.

Wow, fantastic baby.

Life rocks. Until you think of exams and then it goes back to being sucky.

Can't wait until they release their single!! Will keep a lookout for BLG songs on radio!

people only want you to say things they want to hear.

it's an acknowledged fact no one can ever deny.

it happens to me too. but i guess ever since i've known this fact i've become more aware.

when you reject and deny opinions of others you push others away and cut off the efforts of others trying to communicate with you, when all you wanted was people to hear you out and listen to your ideals, foolish or not. it's an opposite effect of the action humans always take, kind of stupid actually. but who am i to say? because it happens to me too, despite how much i try to avoid this kind of behaviour.

oh well, new philosophy of my life since eons ago: don't think or care too much. people pursue happiness, so why shouldn't i? if it's doesn't have much of a negative impact just let it slide, so life can be easier. simplicity is never simple, ironically. 

i wonder if one day i will sink until there's no turning back? 

on a side note, i think e.e cummings is the best poet ever. i like his poems. gonna go look for more of his online because my shitty local bookstores are ignorant dimwits who think the only books in the world are the twilight saga, harry potter and a bunch of mystery romance novels that no one here gives a shit about. sad. the literary knowledge here is so limited it vexes me to no end. 

like i said, sad. 

because everything in this world is. it's just a matter of whether you choose to take which side. shades of grey are created by two-faced people, so it doesn't count, because all they do is to look on which side the grass is greener and start jumping ships every time the tide changes. 

sad.

for now, just let me dwell on the sad side for a while before i resume my daily ignorant bliss. it's coming along pretty well now, i don't feel aching anymore so it's good. 

okay, bye. peace out.

I was wrong.

We really do have a biology test this week, Thursday, the day after tomorrow.

Shit.

And our teacher just dropped the bombshell on us today like nobody's business, as if it's not the end of the world. Okay fine, it's not. But close to.

Thank you so much dear schoolmates for requesting for the stupid biology test when we've already gotten our hands full of Maths equations and shit. Oh what was that phrase we use to tell someone extremely annoying again? Oh yeah, fuck you! Thanks to you we even have an extra test next week for the next half of biology chapters when we were supposed to end all those stupid tests this week and kick back and enjoy the last week of school before our two-week break.

Just because your class might want to have a test doesn't mean our class would.

Okay, rant's over. Bye.


Because Maths loves me that much.


But I don't reciprocate.

Too bad.

i wish my fingers can keep up with my head and i wish time is by my side

i wish I could write down everything in one go so I don't have to worry about being called unoriginal even though I thought of it way long ago before anybody else. I wish time was by my side and I don't have to worry about stupid tests and having to study so I'll pass because I'm as stupid as fuck and a-levels needs days of studying beforehand and it eats up so so much of my writing time and it kills all the plot bunnies with all the fucking codons and enthalpy change of formation and giant molecular structures I need to cram into my head the creativity just dies a little more each time it's so saddening I wish it didn't happen I wish I could write down everything and not get writer's block so it'll end faster and I can post it and be the first one to do it instead of being called a copy cat even though I had the idea weeks ago but couldn't write it down because of fucking tests and exams this is why I wish I didn't need sleep so the creative juices can just flow and I won't need to think about them all the time and be afraid of people judging me because I just fucking hate it I hate tests because I have to study days before and lose my inspiration like that it's like watching your favourite drink or hard work go down the drain just like that it hurts so much I wish it didn't happen

what is the pursuit of happiness?

is turning to things that make you happy in times of sadness and melancholy a form of pursuing happiness or just an act of blocking and running away from the things that you don't want to face and think of?

So.

So.

It's May. And life? Life is good, when it doesn't suck. I'm such a genius.

Chem test has just ended today, and my shoulders feel so much more lighter than it has been for the past week.

And I just realised my dependency on the internet is really ridiculous now I think. Well, okay, not really. Come to think of it I've been putting myself on a restraining order from my computer for the past three days, all because of my dear chemistry test. So I won't call it a dependency because I'm not an invalid, but it is pretty much the thing my life revolves around so erm yeah okay shutting up now because everything about this just spells a w k w a r d lalalalalalalalalalala~~

But internet-restraints are gonna go on for next week too, as seeing I have two Maths tests on Wednesday and Friday respectively. Sigh. But never mind, our physics teacher doesn't seem keen on giving us a physics test, and we just had our Bio one two weeks ago so I guess next week's gonna be the last test-weeks before our May holidays (hoooooooraaaayyyyyyyyyyy)!!!

My schedule for the holiday is all written out (in my head): write, put my ideas down onto paper MS Word, Tumblr all day like a boss, stalk LJ for fic updates, check YT for video updates occasionally, eat, sleep, breathe and yeah that's pretty much all. Studying is not an option, unless one day gravity loves me too much and I fall and knock my head, get a concussion and I get an epiphany to be a good girl only then will my notes appear magically in my hands and my eyes focused on them and lol what on sweet earth am I blabbering about this makes no sense okay I'll stop.

TIME IS NOT ON MY SIDE DSAIJDHKULGHYWAEGLWA TWO WEEKS IS NOT ENOUGH TO WRITE EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD GAH WAJKJSDHIUHUIWERYI.

If sporadic updates occur consistently on this blog I'm really thinking of leaving Blogger and moving to Tumblr. But it's just a thought, no concrete resolutions yet. :/

When I'm feeling brave, or really sad I'll just write out everything that's going through my head here. But repeat, only when I'm sad or especially brave and don't give a fuck or two about her anyone seeing it. Bleh. I'll write it down if I ever feel what I felt today in school again, because the whole thing is just insanely ridiculous ugh i'm not gonna let years of best-friendship go down the drain like that just because of my insecurities and feelings.

But for now, Tumblr and K-pop.

Why?

Because it makes me happy. Like a drug. Deal with it.

Peace out.

drabble

omg right after I came back from school I immediately turned on my computer and went on the Super Junior tag on Tumblr, without sparing my dashboard a glance, without even checking my hotmail (which is a first in years of onlining and surfing the net because every time I come on the net I always, always check my mail first) and right now, my dash is filled with Kangin and Super Junior because today, 16.04.2012 is such a special day for us ELFs I’m not complaining. 

Kangin is home, and for the next few months Teukie will be happy :) I just can’t imagine right now how much worse it will be when Park Jungsoo enlists this year and I really wonder if I can take it. Super Junior won’t be the same without him. ;__;

Oh Tumblr, messing up my timetable. I wanted to post my SJ fic today on LJ but after hours of reblogging I don’t think it’s possible. And I wanted to download iTunes and EXO’s mini album MAMA but I don’t think it’s possible again, because it’s late now and mum’s gonna kill me if I don’t get off the computer soon. Then she’s gonna confiscate the modem and ban us all from the internet. NOOOOOO.

Sigh, but it’s all worth it, for Kangin, for Kim Youngwoon, for Super Junior. :) Super Junior fighting!

I really must get a calendar that displays all of EXO and Super Junior’s members’ birthdays. Everyday it’s like I’m living in a world where I’m constantly wondering if it is anyone’s birthday today and I can’t remember all 15 + 12 kpop stars’ birth dates. Seriously, I’ll go mad. Taking science in my A-levels is already killing me and maximising my use of neurons and memory cells.

Okay, so right now imma go find a calendar and findout their birthdays and mark it down now. And then only go to sleep. Sigh. Life of a fangirl. 

BUT I AIN’T MAD. 8D

Oh but wait, shit, I gotta get all my PLKN postponement documents ready so I can mail it the first thing tomorrow. Urgh asjkndjkahsiudhuiayhuihkjsdnkjhweuiafbjkfg damn it all.

[KPOP] MY FEELINGS. I CAN'T. NOOO.

FUCK IT'S OUT. THE TEASER'S OUT! OPERA JAPANESE VERSION MV TEASER IS OUUUUTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG THE FIRST THING I SAW BEFORE THE VIDEO PLAYED WAS YESUNG'S SOLO AS THE THUMBNAIL!!! FUCK I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I JUST CANNOT CALM DOWN.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SPAZZING SO HARD RIGHT NOW FUUU---- THE THINGS KPOP SUPER JUNIOR (YESUNG) HAS DONE TO ME.

He's like saying take my hand and fly with me and we'll have a tragic Phantom of the Opera romance and you'll never ever wake up from this dream but that's okay Yesung I love you too much to come back to reality and I'll tolerate all the heartbreaks you give me lol wtf am I saying such a delusional stupid girl okay shutting up now bye.

Seriously, this beats SM's SJ MVs by lightyears. Avex Trax, thank you for letting Super Junior shine once again (and letting Yesung be the main in more than half of the teaser /sobs/ I sincerely hope he will be for the MV too). ELFs are forever grateful to you *standing ovation*

9TH OF MAY I WILL BE WAITING. BUT FIRST, 16TH APRIL: KANGIN IS COMING HOME SOON!!!!!! HOORAY.

P.S: EXO has debuted on Mnet Countdown. Anticipating their Music Bank performance!!!

P.S.S: AND I'M SORRY SEHUN I FORGOT TO WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY BUT I'M SURE YOU'RE AS HAPPY AS FUCK ANYWAY BECAUSE YOUR BELOVED LULU WISHED YOU AND PROFESSED HIS CARE AND CONCERN AND LOVE OVER THE FUCKING CHINA BROADCASTING SYSTEM JUST FOR YOU.  HUNHAN, STAR-CROSSED LOVERS OF THE MILLENIUM.

And Baekyeol. Never ever forget my first EXO otp. It'll stick with me life or death for the rest of my life.

Ugh

Ugh, I am annoyed, seriously. Dear LJ, please stop being so complicated so I won't have to go through all this frustrating shit and vex my poor nerves.

Ajdhsujshudisnusisgafqdiflsnwhs. How do I make my post/entry page plain without the theme layout?? Like, for my recent entries page I retain my layout but when I click on my of my posts the layout just disappears and everything's plain but still in rich text format? At first I thought pages like that were only for communities. But then after digging deeper I realised this wasn't the case (I think). So right now I'm really confused as to what I need to do. Is it because of my layout??

Bleh, I'm not sure, and I'm much too tired to care right now cos it's freaking one in the morning and I need my dose of sleep thank you very much. All shall be continued tomorrow I suppose. Sigh, why won't things just make themselves easier for us?

Sleeping now. And I remember to pray for Yesung, don't worry (lol who am I kidding asking strangers not to worry when I'm the one panicking here?).

See you when I see you.


*edit: Okay, so Yesung having a fucking throat surgery WAS A RUMOUR. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW!!!! GOD BLESS KIM JONGWOON! Thank you, God. But in a tweet I read that Yemum said it was nothing serious, SO DOES THIS MEAN THAT YESUNG DOES HAVE SLIGHT PROBLEMS WITH HIS THROAT?! Oh Yesung, please take care of yourself. :'(

[K-Pop] Holy shit.

Originally posted on Tumblr but I decided to copy and paste it here anyway. I'm so worried, vexed, anxious and ugh whatever damned worried adjectives there are in this world right now. This is the first time I'm so worried over someone who doesn't even know I exist, and that's the beauty of fandoms I guess. 


Yesung, I really hope you're okay. Praying really hard right now and will be doing so everyday from now on and thanking every holy being up there in heaven for ensuring Super Junior's health and safety and letting Yesung regain his health. He sings for his living, so nothing must ever happen to his voice. ;__;

I HAVE JUST READ THE MOST SHOCKING PIECE OF NEWS OF MY LIFE THAT YESUNG WILL BE UNDERGOING VOCAL SURGERY SOON BECAUSE OF A LARYNX ILLNESS.  

What. The. Fuck? 

Oh my god I never knew such a thing had happened! VOCAL SURGERY?! FOR FUCK’S SAKE YESUNG’S VOICE IS HIS PRIDE, HIS PASSION, THE GODLY THING THAT ALLOWS HIM TO SING LIKE NO ONE ELSE CAN IN THE ENTIRE KPOP INDUSTRY, HIS EVERYTHING.  

No. I just can’t. Ugh. Why of all people must this happen to a person who sings so passionately for his living?! I’m just so sad right now that he has to go through all of this shit, like his life isn’t shitty enough with everything that Super Junior and his family have gone through. Why is the world so cruel to him? It’s like telling a sprinter that something is wrong with his ankles and that his legs need to be amputated and he can never ever run again. 

Get my point? Yes? Good. 

Now, looking back at all the Yesung pictures I reblogged I really am on the verge of crying because how long has he known this himself? And he has to pretend everything’s okay and smile for all the fans and fucking cameras knowing it might never be okay again. I know they say it’s not serious, but I just can’t stop worrying. It is all thanks to him that I am able to laugh and smile everyday and I always am indebted and grateful to people who can do that to me. 

His existence right now is part of the reason (and I am sure many other people’s reason all over the world as well) I’m living life so happily now, seeing Yesung smile is one of the greatest things in my life so please, God, Buddha, Allah, every holy being up there please don’t take away the thing he loves most and please please please let everything be okay so Kim Jongwoon can continue doing what he loves and does best - singing. 

I’m listening to The More I Love You now, and I really feel like crying, knowing that there’s a possibility his singing might never be the same ever again. But even so, I will always support and love Kim Jongwoon for who he is.  

Dear hospital and surgeon in charge of Kim Jongwoon aka Yesung’s surgery, you’d better do a fucking good job and make sure he doesn’t get hurt or suffer or else I’m wreaking havoc one way or another and you’d better dish out your best lawyers to deal with the shit I’m aiming and throwing at you if anything goes wrong. ELFs and especially Clouds are judging you so hard now you’d be the world’s biggest idiot to not take this seriously.  

SJ PLEASE TWEET MORE TO LET US ELFS KNOW MORE ABOUT THE DATE AND STUFF OR SOMETHING!  

I wanna hug Yesung now so bad, or send him cards or something meaningful to him right now to cheer him up because he’s probably really scared and nervous and worried right now. ;__; Korean ELFs and Clouds if you see this and have a chance to meet him someway or somehow please tell him that us fans are always supporting him and and will always love him no matter what. Thank you so much. 

I will pray for him everyday, every moment I remember, every night before I sleep no matter what happens. I will pray for the best for him even if I’m not in that religion I will still pray hard and hope every single lucky star is on his side for the rest of his and Super Junior’s lives. 

KIM JONGWOON FIGHTING! SUPER JUNIOR FIGHTING!

Okay, that's all I posted on Tumblr. Please let him be all right. Thank you. This has again taught me how important it is to cherish every moment I get to see him on the internet, smiling and singing instead of taking it for granted like how I'm starting to be lately. 

But for a price like this? It's just too much for me. 

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIT MAMA IS OUT!!!!!!!!!! XDXDXDDD TITS ARE SO NOT CALM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG

Okay, I gotta finish this post first before I watch it, or else I will lose the main objective of this post.

So, I got back my computer from the technician, and all files are backed up, safe and sound. Yay! My documents are still there, my pictures are still there, AND MY SONGS ARE STILL THERE TOO!!! YAY!!!! So right now before I actually remembered EXO's MAMA is out and checked it on Youtube, I was busy bookmarking all the sites I frequent and making mental checklists of what I should do, like change my wallpaper, organise all that back-up shit, get iTunes and stuff.

BUT NOW I JUST WANNA WATCH THE MV SO YEAH BYE PEEPS SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU HOLY FUCK TODAY IS A GREAT DAY YAY EXO HERE I COME BYE~~~~~~~~~~~~



Okay, just watched the video. My emotions right now are like asdiugtfiwegnkdhuizyownkfn. CHANYEOL IS SUCH A CUTIE BADASS WITH FRIZZY HAIR. Baekhyun is just... I can't. No. But Kai's rapping part really freaked me out, with those lines drawn on his face, I feel like it's worse than Lady Gaga's creepy fashion in her scary music videos. :/ But oh well, THEY HAVE DEBUTED. NO MORE TEASERS. I'll miss those SMent trolling and EXO teasers but right now, their journey starts and I wish them all the best with my heart.

EXO FIGHTING!

Dear PC,

How nice and convenient of you to die on All Souls' Day, leaving me wondering how on earth am I going to get back all my word documents and 500++ songs. You must've hated me I suppose. But thanks anyway, even though there were frustrating times (like your shitty lagging) we still stuck through for five years. Okay, RIP, bye.

But honestly, HONESTLY, WHY????!!!!!!! FUCK I DIDN'T EVEN BACK UP MY STORY I WORKED DAY AND NIGHT FOR. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU The technician better get it out somehow, along with those songs. I can't download them one by one anymore, I don't have the patience to. But that's another story, because at least I have a list in my iPod of what songs I have. BUT MY DOCUMENTS, MY STORIES, UGH. YEARS OF INSPIRATION AND PROMPTS AND IDEAS ALL GONE. GONE. DARN. BUUURRRRRRRRRN IN HELL.

Sigh. This sucks. I hate this.




*edit: Fuck you Chemistry test, if it weren't for you I could've finished editing the freaking story and posted it on LJ yesterday and I won't even feel so depressed now. Fuck this shit.

it's done, finally done

Completed: 2 April 2012, 0320 hours in the wee morning.

It's finally done, the first fic I've completed in years.

:')

Now all it needs is a grammar and spelling check, a summary and a title and it's all set to be posted on LJ.

Approximately 15, 500 words in three or four weekends, and to think I originally wanted it to be a oneshot with 7000 to 8000 words! My first Yewook fic is finally done! After countless frustrating writer's block moments and hours of sitting in front of the computer trying to think of the best possible word to suit the context, it's done.

The thrill of writing when the creative juices flow, it's something I'll never be able to gain by doing anything else.

But editing will have to come later after Wednesday, for I have my Chem test coming up and I have not studied a single shit. God knows how I'm going to cram everything about Chemical bonds into my exhausted, sleep-deprived brain.


But for now, I must sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a tiring day, but it's all worth it.

Yay!!! I FEEL SO HAPPY NOW.


See you when I see you!

i have lost faith in humanity

I hate you Youtube. I DON'T WANT FREAKING MIRRORED EPISODES! WHY AREN'T OTHER SITES UPLOADING THE DAMNED EPISODE?! WHY?!

Ugh.

i can't believe i'm posting again but

Read this (taken from Sarah Dessen's blog):

1. Okay, so the biggest news is….(via PW Children’s Bookshelf, couldn’t find a direct link): 

Regina Hayes at Viking Young Readers has signed YA novelist Sarah Dessen’s 11th novel, The Best After Ever, which will be released in May 2013. Set in the fictional beach town of Colby, where several of Dessen’s novels take place, it features 18-year-old Emmeline, who is spending her last summer before college working for her family’s vacation rental business and enjoying a summer romance with a young aspiring filmmaker. Leigh Feldman at Writers House brokered the deal for world rights. 

So now you know why I wasn’t blogging, was talking about how tired I was AND kept posting encouraging writing-related quotes on Twitter. Because I was finishing the book I began ALL the way back in September 2010. I kept working on it all the way up until last April, when I had to set it aside to promote WHAT HAPPENED TO GOODBYE, then picked it back up in December. Whew! Thanks for your patience. I’m so excited to share more with you about this as I can. And there’s more fun book stuff, too! Stay tuned….

OH. MY. GOD. You have no freaking idea how much I'm spazzing right now GOSH SO MANY EXCITEMENT IN ONE NIGHT. EXO debuting, CN FINALLY airing Insecurities, so many nice Yesung pictures on Tumblr today, AND NOW THIS. 

I can't. 

HER NEW BOOK. AFJGGFAGHLKAHHGIUQWEUTYIGH. I WANT. But gah, in 2013? WHY???!!!!!!!! Better than none I know but gah. I shall be contented this time. 

But to be honest (again), the plot sounds a bit like Along for the Ride and Keeping the Moon combined. But again, ths is Dessen we're talking about, plot may be similar but she pulls it off well and makes me fall in love with her books. Despite the disappointment I felt for her last book, I'm sure this book will be stupendous, marvelous, excellent, brilliant, magnificent, all posh adjectives in the world combined. I'll try to keep my hopes and expectations low until the excerpt comes out.

Dessen's books are summer reads, so that means the excerpt isn't going to be released until at least this year end December or later. Damn. Please let this book be an awesome one like Just Listen or The Truth about Forever or This Lullaby! I'm counting on you, my lucky stars!

DAMN DAMN DAAAAAAAAAAAMN I NEED VIDEOS OF YOUNG JUSTICE'S NEW EPISODE 'INSECURITIES'!!!!!!! ARTEMISSSS!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO KNOW MORE!!!!!! UGH.

Tomorrow morning. I expect Youtube to have at least one full episode or else I'll just lose faith in the world.


INSECURITIES! AHFKDHKGAHSRKH:NFGLQ It's been such a long, long time I've felt so strongly for Young Justice, with their shitty air dates and all. The only episodes that really got me (with all the psychological thriller elements and stuff), to be honest, are Homefront and Failsafe only. And right now, I'm thinking Insecurities would be an addition to that list. I have high hopes for it, because it focuses on Artemis, my favourite character of all times (along with Raven of Teen Titans).


On the other hand, I missed Earth Hour. I'm terribly sorry, Mother Earth. ;__; I'm a bad human. The world should end due to the extinction of the human race so Earth can gain peace again.

Only joking.

Satisfied with my Tumblr blog. I don't think I'll be changing the theme for the next couple of months. Yay!


Dear YJ Episode 23 - Insecurities Youtube,

You, me, a date tomorrow. Set.

whoa

Okay, wow. Blogger has a new look, and is that a 'LJ-Cut' sort-off button I see there? O.O Yay! Finally Blogger is taking steps to further improvement.


I still can't get used to it. IT LOOKS TOO DIFFERENT. ASGLKJHGLYKDSGBK *keyboard spam*

EXO IS DEBUTING TODAY. IT SEEMED ONLY YESTERDAY SMENT WAS TROLLING US FANS AND RELEASING TEASERS AFTER TEASERS AND TESTING OUR PATIENCE. EXOPLANET ARRIVING, ALL SYSTEMS GO. Byun Baekhyun, I'll be watching you.

Never in my life have I ever completed an assignment I've procrastinated for weeks in less than an hour. And in the past half an hour, I have just completed this feat.

I am proud of myself, and wish to thank Google for helping me achieve this. No thanks to my stupid computer because it lagged for EONS and made me pissed off and curse at it in every language I knew.

I am motivated to learn new languages to increase my vocabulary of cuss words right now. Fucking PC, just wait until I get my hands on a laptop (hopefully a Mac), then we'll see. Testing my patience everyday eh?

God, I am having a monologue with my computer. Someone call an ambulance please so I can skip my Physics test on this upcoming Wednesday. God knows I did not study a single shit at all and should be shot for constant procrastination.

The creative juices have been flowing this weekend, but not as good as last week. But I'm not complaining, for it is a bliss to just sit in front of your computer and just write. Though sometimes the evil plot bunnies trap you and you're stuck in the middle of a writer's block desert. Frustrating it is, but when you've passed that stage it feels so damn refreshing. X)

Okay, gotta go now. See you when I see you.

Quote of the post:

Karma ain't a bitch unless you are.

Oh Google, how will we survive without you?

This is the last time I'm gonna talk about this, and after this I'll just nod, smile, exchange pleasant comments and don't care.

Results.... well... they're okay I guess, better than some but still I lost to some. But I'm not angry at them, and never will be, as a matter a fact, I'm happy that they can bring glory to our school, their parents and family, and themselves :) If I were to be angry, it would be at myself, but I'm not, so yeah, whatever. I'm always stuck in the middle of nowhere, so perhaps this is a sign that I should strive for something more?

Regrets are definite, why didn't I study harder for Chemistry? What went wrong with my Chinese? I've been asking myself these since I saw my slip, but honestly I can't find an answer and I'm not that depressed, just curious.

My results are satisfactory I guess, though I'm not entirely happy with it. Chemistry was a shocker, Moral too as well as Physics. I thought I could do better, but since reality decided to slap me I guess I'll just have to accept it. Plus, Literature, BM, Biology and Add Maths made up for it. I'm really proud of my Literature and Biology the most, because I never went for any tuition and studied hard with my own effort and I managed to do well. I am grateful. Though I wished I had more A's instead of A minuses, I guess this will have to do.

The dream of 11 A's is gone, but oh well, I'll just settle for what I have. This means I have to work harder for my A levels, and slave my guts out. LOL, kidding, I can never do that. I can't imagine life without entertainment, so I will have to set realistic goals for myself so that I don't give up halfway.

Okay, now that the rant is over, this is what I'll do in the future if someone ever mentions about SPM:

Okay, that's all. See you when I see you.

Approximately 7500 words in just three days, and this is inclusive of my time spent on entertaining my family and having to go out for meals with them.

That's like, an average of 2500 words per day I've written. Wow. I am really, really proud of myself. How long has it been since I've sat in front of Microsoft Words and just written to my heart's content? Years I tell you, years. This just reminds me of why I love writing so much and the fact that I had once aspired to be an author. Too bad it's not coming true.

But, all good things come to an end. I tried to continue today, but the creative juices just didn't flow due to exhaustion. My mind just went blank and no matter how hard I tried nothing good came out, unlike the past three days. Daughter by day, writer by night. I've been sleeping at midnight for the entire week and I'm not surprised if I don't do well in my physics test. Never studied for the whole week even though I said I would, hooray for me. I just wish the teacher would postpone it to next week, but I guess we'll just have to wait for his verdict tomorrow.

My eyes hurt. And I'm supposed to be studying physics but I'm here. Sigh.


Halfway there, plot's all laid out and the hardest part is done. Now all that's left is to wait for my muse to return if it ever wants to. I'm just really grateful for my writing spree for the past three days.

See you when I see you.

Writers block.

Gosh it sucks like hell to the very core and the stupid plots just don't freaking connect.

Urgh.

Sabreena Ann Fernandez I would like to express my utmost hatred in you for reminding me that us 2011 fifth form-ers will be taking our results and causing a panic tsunami-wave attack to wash over me and disrupt my peaceful soul in meditation. You do not even comprehend the severity of the situation at hand and it is my utmost wish that you go die in a slow and painful death as retribution.

That is all. Goodnight.

P/S: lol Just joking. Thank you Sabby for slapping my ass back to reality. Love ya darling!

An update.

I deleted my chatbox. Hooray, I guess?

I don't know, it's just that it was kind of pointless keeping it on my blog anyway. Plus like I mentioned previously, those ads were really annoying. So.... that's that I suppose.

On the other hand, I've created a livejournal account. I've hesitated for a long time because it seemed so complicated and honestly, right now as I am editing all my info and shit there I'm this close to pulling my hair out of my scalp. Blogger and Tumblr are really much easier, really. (Oh, and I've created another blog on Tumblr for personal reasons too!)

Today is really an 'update-all-blogs-and-info' day I suppose. New LJ account and Tumblr blog, updated Blogger, all that's left is Facebook. I'm thinking of changing my display pic, but that will be for another time, when I'm feeling bold.

When my new Tumblr blog and LJ is done and I've settled in nicely I'll post the links on my sidebar. However, be warned that both sites are purely for my writing and reading interests, hence the content posted there may not be up to your liking. And if I'm feeling especially daring and courageous that day I'll post a link to my FFN account. Ta da! All sites I frequently visit (except for my hotmail inbox) all in one tiny sidebar on my blog.

Such a busy day on the net, and mum wants me to start studying at 11, I'd better get my blogs up and running asap.

See you when I see you.

Quote of the post:

lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you. - Coldplay

K-Pop: A post, about EXO

Note: Originally, I posted this on Tumblr yesterday and not this blog because I thought some of my friends who read my blog don't really like K-Pop, and that it doesn't really suit my blog since I rarely blog about K-Pop anyway. But then I thought, screw it it's been such a long time since I had great writing muse like I had yesterday, and as seeing I haven't blogged in eons I'll just copy and paste this here. Plus, to me my blog is my online diary that records every milestone I've made in my life so I can look back and laugh at how silly I was so yeah, I have decided to post this here. To all you people who dislike K-Pop and think it's the shame of the music industry you can just click the X button and visit another page. No offence meant. So, here goes:

Okay, second K-Pop text post and it’s about EXO. So I guess I should be happy I’m finally branching out into K-Pop bands instead of just focusing on Super Junior? Nah, Suju will always and forever be my ultimate K-Pop band, they’re awesome like that. :D

Moving on, two days ago I watched EXO’s both History MVs, and I must say I’m impressed and it was the final push that made me want to know more about them. Previously, I always heard my friend talking about them but I didn’t really want to go into another band, but after watching History I couldn’t really run away from this magnetic pull anymore.

First reaction after watching the MV: OMFG AWESOME SONG WITH GREAT VOCALS AND OUTSTANDING DANCE MOVES.

Seconds later…

WAIT WTF WHO IS WHO?! (And hence, I was brought back into the days where I still couldn’t differentiate Super Junior members…)

I didn’t immediately find out their names though, cos it was late and I only watched it an hour after it was released, so naturally half of the comments were about asking who’s who and what’s what and shit like that, and the kind EXOTICS who posted about who was who didn’t help me much at all. So, yesterday night I replayed the Korean version MV a few times again and FINALLY could recgonise Kai. Only. Yes, only, I’m sorry, I know I’m quite a failure but honestly, Kai seems to have much more screen time (COS HE’S AWESOME AND SO COOL).

Then, tonight, just now, I FINALLY LEARNED ALL OF EXO-K’s names and can match their names with their faces in the History MV (not sure about other teasers and such). So, in order of who I first learnt their names: Kai (HE LOOKS LIKE CHANGMIN FROM TVXQ HOLY SHISUS, AND HE IS THE SAME AGE AS ME! LORD…), D.O, Chan Yeol, Baek Hyun, Se Hun then Su Ho. I had A MAJOR hard time differentiating Su Ho from Se Hun, because their names were so familiar and the comment I was using as a guideline messed up Su Ho with EXO-M’s Chen. But it’s okay.

As for EXO-M members, Tao caught my attention first cos his stare was like Yesung’s stare in Mr. Simple teaser, then Lay cos was the first to be shown in the Korean version of History (very feminine look there), then Lu Han. And right now I still have slight trouble recgonising them (except for Tao cos he’s like all black and dark, emo boy). But I’m taking it slow, cos I wanna really, really know all EXO-K members before I move on to M members. I don’t know why but it seems like more people prefer EXO-M members, but I’m still sticking to K members first. We’ll see a few days later.

Funny, the first video I watched about EXO when I learned about them was Chan Yeol’s El Dorado teaser (AWESOME SONG, LIKE THOSE RPG GAME TRACKS YOU HEAR WHEN YOU PLAY THE GAMES), and I was only interested in the song (plus he didn’t look as good as he did in History). The after watching History, two days later and boom! I’m typing this post I never though I would’ve written before.

Biases…. Well, I don’t think it’s fair to choose biases based on looks alone. I think personalities make up more for biases. If I chose my biases based on looks alone, I think when I first got into Super Junior Siwon would’ve become my bias, not Yesung. Okay, I admit, looks are part of the reason Yesung is my bias (his appearance in Mr. Simple, daebak I tell you) but when he sang, it was instant attraction for me and after countless variety shows featuring him, Yesung has dominated my heart, and still is now. But coming back to my point, I’d like to know more of EXO members’ personalities before choosing my bias. But in the mean time, if I were to list down who I like and think is awesome and good-looking in EXO-K (EXO-M shall come a bit later) and my opinion of every EXO-K member in order, it’ll be like this:

1. Kai
Naturally, he gets a quarter or half of the screen time and most teasers are about him anyway. He’s also a 94-er, and somehow that makes me feel sad because while he’s the same age as me, he’s out there making a name for himself while I’m stuck here at home being nobody. :/

2. Chan Yeol and Baek Hyun
Tied. I think both should really be twins (though I know they’re not) cos they’re so adorable together!!! THE MOMENT BAEK HYUN OPENS HIS MOUTH TO SING, GOSH, IT’S LIKE GOLD SPROUTING OUT OF HIS MOUTH. His voice from 2:40 to 2:50, it reminded me of Yesung’s high pitched notes when he does ad libs. Plus, Baek Hyun’s one of the main vocalists and I do have a thing for vocalists who look good at the same time. CHAN YEOL CAN RAP, PERIOD.

Plus, both of them have names that are really Korean yet classy in my opinion, me likes!

3. Se Hun
His look in 2:59 was really what made me notice him. But I had a hard time remembering his name since he looked different from his first appearance in the opening of the MV. He’s really adorable now that I can differentiate everyone. Right now, I remember his name by identifying him as the maknae (HE’S 17 GOODNESS ME) with the fringe covering his brows with small cute eyes. Shibrows should give him some brows.

4. D.O
Well, he’s the second member for me to get his name right (cos it’s so easy) but somehow he reminds me of Junsu from TVXQ (just that D.O’s eyes are larger). He sings really well, and stands out I guess but he’s not that outstanding to me.

5. Su Ho
Okay, I’m sorry, but I just can’t seem to remember his name! But I can now, just that I don’t know why it’s hard for me to remember him out of six of them. :/

And so, I guess that’s it for this post. When I’m finally familiar with EXO-K members I’ll start with EXO-M members. Till then, all the best for EXO with their upcoming god-knows-when debut! If History is a pre-debut song, goodness me imagine their real debut song!!!!

As much as SM Entertainment ADORES trolling us fans around and being a bitch to their artistes you gotta admit, their music is the best. I am grateful for the existence of Yoo Young Jin, because most of the hits of TVXQ, Super Junior, SHINee and all SM artistes are all composed or/and written by him. Hope SMent really cherishes him, he’s like their ACE now in the dance-song music industry.

Anyways, all the best EXO! SM Entertainment, just hurry up and release their debut date already! I know it has something to do with a solar eclipse, judging by all the solar eclipse scenes you put in EXO’s teasers, but gosh, pity those fans who have been waiting since last year. EXO fighting!

Okay, so that's that for my K-pop post on tumblr. If you're interested, here's the Korean version MV of History.

Oh, and I'm really thinking of removing my chatbox because somehow unknown people who I've never even heard before posted stuff advertising their blogs and I really don't like it. Plus, it's not like people comment there much anyway. Your thoughts?

Maths test today, and I have nothing to say about it. Wait, yes, on second thought I do: I JUST HOPE I PASS.

I have lost hope in Chemistry (the test I mean, not the subject), as for Physics.... Well, I just hope I find the motivation to study during the holidays. We have a day off early!!!! Yay! Which means I can sleep in a little bit on Friday! Banzai!

Sigh, don't feel like doing anything right now. I haven't even showered, even though it's already nine-ish. Air-conditioned rooms all day long, just when was the last time I sweated? :/

'Fix You' by Coldplay has really, really great lyrics. But I don't quite like the falsetto voice the singer (sorry, don't know his name) uses throughout the song. Though it has good lyrics, I think if I keep on repeating the song I'd have a migraine eventually. The ending was okay though, because finally the falsetto voice is gone and the song turns normal again.

Such a shame it's not to my liking, the lyrics were so. damn. great.

C'MON BOYS LIKE GIRLS, JUST WHEN THE HECK ARE YOU RELEASING YOUR NEW ALBUM SO I HAVE NICE ENGLISH SONGS TO LISTEN AGAIN?!