Vent

God, what the hell's your freaking problem! Can't you see I'm doing something I prefer to do ALONE?! STOP HOVERING OVER THERE LIKE SOME BUZZING THING SNOOPING AROUND TO SEE WHAT I DO!

Appreciate your concern, but god, stop it lah for god's sake. ANd you stand there like what "oh don't worry I'm not gonna read your blog, just gonna sit here BESIDE YOU and look around anywhere but your monitor'.

Yeah right you liar. I know I'm not supposed to say this, but gah, just stop, okay? Everytime you start swooping around me when I'm using the internet it irritates to to NO END you know? I hate it when I have no privacy. you'd better even thank god that I didn't even request for a separate, single room for myself or else you definitely won't see me outside my room for most of the time. And you'd better be glad that I didn't request for you to install a freaking wall and door between the stairway and my table.

Oh come on for god's sake, have some maturity can you? Every time I start projecting the feeling I don't want you here (and I'm sure you received it) I OBVIOUSLY AM HINTING FOR YOU TO GO AWAY.


God, what the hell's your problem? It's not like I'm having some secret boyfriend or looking at porn sites to relieve stress like how some other idiots in this world do. God, would I even ever stoop that low?! So right now, I ask of you, not to get out of my life, because obviously I still need you sometimes, but to just give me some fucking privacy instead of always hovering around me like I'm some sort of kid that needs to be shielded from bird shit or something.


God. Damn you lah. SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA STOP IRRITATING THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE! JUST FUCKING STOP CAN YOU!?



Emotionally unstable now, because things aren't going well today (not the charades, I'm not some person to dwell on things like that after I vented it on blogger) and the last thing I need is people to tick me off by trying to disturb me (ie trying to play/poke me in the thigh) when I'm in a bad mood and on the computer. Fucking shit lah. I just need to vent. Gah, stop it, would you? I've been keeping these comments to myself and too bad for you, you caught me on the wrong day when I'm angry anf feeling stupid with myself for something so just stfu and get lost for now and come back later.


I just want to freaking curse all the choice words I have in mind now but can't. Goddamn it all. Who the hell needs a restraining order on internet? I can't believe I can't say what I want to on my ranting space, I am seriously considering locking my blog (have been thinking about it ever since before time has started, not because of the trend, I'm not some person to follow trends and be un-original) right now, and I think I will.


Yeah right, you'd think I haven't thought of the consequences I have to face later if someone catches me choosing colourful words to put on my blog but you're wrong, I have thought about it, just that right now I don't think I need to give a shit about why I can't say what I want to when I'm pissed like hell. So shut up and go hide in a corner. I'm kinda sick about my cowardly ways. This is my ranting space when I feel that I don't want to go to anyone else, especially since counsellors are useless people who betray your trust and tell the whole school about what's going on with this troubled kid and doesn't do anything anyway except tell your parents about what crime you did in school and don't even try to help you anyway. They just do it for the money. Yeah, money is what drives them. Fuck them. You'd think your secret can be safe with them? you're wrong, they tell their friends about what's going with you, and they give you that look everytime they see you. And give fake smiles and some of them don't even care about trying to be a real counsellor.

Hah, students who are late don't need counselling anyway. They just need a good lecture, not counselling, unless something special happens. There are like way more poeple I know who need freaking counselling but don't even have them and deal it with themselves. I know the don't tell don't know system works here, but honestly, if you were a bloody good counsellor, everyone would start approaching you for their problems. but apparently not here. You don't project that image, so too bad for you.


That aside. I've chilled down a bit. But that angry flame is still inside me, and I don't think it'll be going off anytime soon until I feel better. I'm not ashamed about what I said above, because I'm unsatisfied with them, and thus even though it's offensive, I think at least it leaves a larger impact on their minds and they could/might change their ways if they ever read it. Don't think I don't know, sometimes I know you read my blog, because I saw you commiting it once on someone else's and my sixth sense for my belongings and stuff are quite strong, though it may not be correct.


So, to chill down, I'm changing my blog privacy, because I can't stand that OMG YOU USED A BAD WORD/YOU USED THE WORD "FUCK' SO YOU NEED COUNSELLING. Is it even that bad? Yeah it is. I know, it affects how people look at us. but sometimes we're just so damn fucking angry/frustrated at YOU (and you don't even realise, hah!) we just need to vent it out so we can become normal again. And if we're not normal, you look at us weirdly like it's our fault and ask so many damn annoying questions when obviously it's your fault for closing off our ranting space. I know, find other ways of venting lah, like sports, but hello, some of us just don't like. Too bad? Our business? Yeah hell, of course it's our business. It's just basically like saying you have to copy 100 lines of "I will not forget to bring my books again" instead of just giving us a lecture so we can get over it soon.

Hah.



Fuck. My menstrual cycle must be around the corner. Darn, this rant felt good, I haven't ranted in ages like this. Ahhhhhhhhhh....................

But doesn't mean I'm off the pissed-off mood. I still am at myself, so don't provoke me for the time being. Thank you. Have a nice day ahead, and don't end up like me.

esprit de corps

Law Olympiad was okay. Screwed up 'Guess what'/charades though. Stupid Yong Tau Hu, screw cendol. How we were supposed to act out these food that weren't even in English you tell me.

Did okay for the rest though, a few of our answers were quite different from the scheme they had, but since the judging were based on reasonableness and logic, we managed to do okay, and emerged 3rd place (for us Form 4 team). Yay.

As for our Form 5 team...................................... WE BAGGED THE CHAMPION SPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONVENT ROCKSSS!!!! ROCKE ROCKE!!!! XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD AND WON RM1500, a trophy, medals, and certificates for the olympiad!


But nothing for the third place. Only the first and second got something. Darn.



Tang wants to come back next year, I'm not so sure if I want to. Oh well.


Thank you Mr. person-in-charge-of-marketing-or something for giving us a chance to to one more charade even though our time was up. Your understanding touched our hearts, and we're glad at least SOMEONE WITH A KIND HEART AND A REASONABLE,LOGIC MIND WHO THINKS PUTTING MALAY WORDS IN CHARADES WHERE WE THINK IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN ENGLISH IS ABSURD is on our side. Thanks, we hope we didn't give you a hard time when Ms. Kathleen caught you not stopping us. We truly appreciated your understanding.


Okay, maybe I'm the one being unreasonablefor the charades game, but it's because we lost on this one that's why we didn't get 2nd place!! GAH! At least if we get five we could bag the second spot, but no, our lucky stars just had to betray us and go to some other teams that got SUPERHEROES LIKE SPIDERMAN or cutlery while we were bummed with Malaysian food. Well, it is particularly our fault as we didn't catch what Nicolette was trying to tell us by stressing MALAYsian food. Sorry pal, we didn't notice. Our minds were so wrapped up with MALAYSIAN and pushing away thoughts of pasta, steak and such.

Honestly...

Gah. It's fine, what's gone is gone. At least we tried our best.


All in all, it was okay I guess. We just have to let go of our charades and look someplace else.

:')

We do stuff, we screw up, we feel the guilt, we learn.





On a side note, finished 'If I Stay' a few days ago, and had the inspiration to post for this blog. Unfortunately, personal circumstances disallowed me to do so. But, it's a great book, greater than Percy Jackson or some Sarah Dessen books (Just Listen is still tops though) and on a standing with The Giver (Lois Lowry), in my opinion. Music/cello lovers should read it. (The heroine is a very skilled cello player, so this should inspire you guys to work harder for music.)


That's all for now. I think.

Disbelief

Shocking news. Mangakas disapprove of online manga scanlations. NO!!!!!!!!!!!

That means no more online manga!!! No! Mangaka's disapproval + ban of online manga scanlation = no more online manga + have to spend more money to buy tankobon (manga volume series)!!


I refuse to agree with this! It is with online manga scanlations that I have saved my time and money and need not wait hell for the latest manga chapters!!!

Grrrrr...... Buuurrrnnn.........

Waiting

Everything stops when I need them to go.

Rantspace blackhole

*31/7 edit* THis was previously unpublished because someone I confided in told me not to tell anyone about this, but right now, since my blog's off public-hands, I'm posting it because I don't really like typing what I feel andkeeping it unposted. For me, it feels idiotic, because since I have the guts to write this, why don't I have the guts to post it? Anyways, yeah, whatever.
Enjoy my rant-slash-the dark side of my life. *edit note fin*

Major rant and teenage related problems ahead. Beware, you've been warned.

Something happened in chemistry today, and it honestly got me thinking for the whole day....

Who am I exactly?

Okay, before you launch off into judgmental note about me being some attention-seeking, undecided teenager who is still finding her identity and all that worthless shitless crap, stop it. As a matter a fact, I'd say that actually I thought I had it figured out waaayyy back then since I entered Form Two or so.

But lately, with all that stupid 16 drama that somehow magically happens (my ass), I find myself doubting every second of what I had thought of back then. For instance, a very simple one, when everyone (especially my sister) were so undecided about what they wanted to do in the future, I would secretly scoff and told them proudly I knew what I wanted. I couldn't be an illustrator or cartoonist, so I would work with my language skills and become a linguist or something to do with language. But now, I find myself wondering if I had really wanted to study linguistics; it's too broad, too general.

This happened a few months ago, right at the start of the year I suppose, so now I conclude that as time passes by and you start growing up, you somehow find yourself weighing and considering more options you had never thought of when you were much younger. Is this a sign of maturity? Or is it a sign of downright indecision that starts to cloud your mind?


Anyways, moving on, chemistry today. Someone said something, and that something made me think of another thing. Maybe it's just me, but truthfully I am a very self-conscious person (sounds obnoxious, but don't judge, this is the raw side of me). So when that someone said something, I wondered, what do friends see you as in their own mind anyway? First they see the first impressions you leave on them, and because you weren't very sure of yourself, you tend to shut off the wilder, more fun-seeking side of yourself, and try to start building a good relationship with your friends.

And from that moment onwards, your friends you see as the person in the first impressions you had left on them, and never thought of anything else.

But as time passes by and you get more comfortable, it starts to leak out. You start being the one you supposed it was you, the bolder side of you, and not some rebellious streak that came at the wrong place wrong time. But somehow, maybe your friends aren't used to the one they are seeing now, or maybe they just have personal issues against something you don't know. I don't know. And they start whispering things that somehow like my friend has said, catches up with you and you catch hold of them.

Is it correct? Are friends not the ones who should accept for who you are alongside with your family? What is it that I have done so insensitively to make you feel like this? Tell me, and I'll work on it. But just something I'd like to share, right up to the moment before I heard about that 'something', even though I was busy doing something else, I felt quite happy for the first time since I graduated from primary school. I know, I have friends now that I cherish even more than my primary school ones, but I felt as if despite all the chaos happening, I was starting to creep out of that shell around me ever since I built it after form one, daring to show frustration and anger and not keep a silly "everything's my fault and not yours even though actually it's yours and you're angering me like hell and deep down I feel like skinning you" smile.

Those who read this might think all this while I'm fake and all, but it's just another teenage problematic phase I'm recovering from right now, and I'm glad I'm getting out of it because I'm sick of it.

So just when I thought things were going fine, it jumped out on me so suddenly. Am I wrong? Yes, I think I'm partly at fault for not warning what kind of person I am, but if it's not all about this, then why don't you just tell me? Have I neglected you? If I did, then I'm sorry, I didn't think you needed me because you looked fine to me, though looks can be deceiving.


Things are easier said than done, that is something I know and understand. It's just like I actually have the guts to write this all down and show it to the world but I might not have what it takes to fully crawl out of that old shell in just a matter of minutes, doing a 360 degrees turn.

But I'm working on it, so why can't you work on telling me what you think I did wrong straight to my face? I'm not some fragile piece of china antique, even though I can't believe and had a hard time swallowing the fact that someone said that, but at least after some time's thinking, I realised it was a good chance for me to self-reflect on what I was doing lately, as I seem to lose track of my actions due to the busy-ness in school. So I thank you for saying that, because right now I am more aware of my actions, but it would still be good to give me a reason/explanation on why you said that.


Honestly, I would really appreciate it if you did. Thanks.



This post might contain some typos or grammatical error because I'm using my sister's Mac to type, and it's quite tiring since it feels weird and I'm exhausted from this whole week's activities, so yeah.

Good night.

Overspill

Don't mean to sound like some conceited person but after a few days of not checking my inbox, I sure do have a LOT of mail-reading to catch up!

Good god.


Sigh, right now, all I want to do is just flop down in my bed, hot cup of ocha by my side and a book in hand. I've bought quite a number for the past two weeks, and that's the main contributing factor I'm penniless right now.

How am I supposed to survive for the rest of the month? (No, don't answer that, it's obviously a rhetorical question.)


My english is getting from bad to the worst. I need to brush up.


Anyways, chaos and all that shit aside, life's been okay I guess. I'm just glad I bought a lot of books that I think I will read (yay) and after this whole thingweek is over, I will have time before UF2 to read a couple of good books.

Goodynight peeps. Off to rush for CC stuff. And yet, another sleepless, tiring night.



Honestly, I should sign myself up for an apprenticeship with Superwoman. Why not Wonder woman? Because Superwoman is non-existent, thus making this whole thing pointless. What the hell am I crapping about? I have no idea, nor should you ask. Anyways, shutting up now and signing off. Goodbye, and sleep tight. Sleep for me since I can't (nope, not a vampire, I'm not perfect nor am I unrealistic) and so tata.

Hanging on

Gah, STUPID CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's like, the 500th chapter, and Kishimoto-sensei has definitely given us a nice, lovely scene when Naruto was born, BUT GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HE LEAVE IT IN A STUPID CLIFFANGER WHEN THAT STUPID MASKED MAN (Uchiha Madara, I suspect) SNATCHES NARUTO AWAY???!!!

Duh, of course I know what happened next, but I'd love to read the details. Gah, Kishimoto you- you- darn, I can't curse him, or the world won't have anymore Naruto chapters to read.


Bleh. Another week. Precisely the reason I don't like pursuing ongoing stuff; you just have to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait..............

until there's no tomorrow.

It's July now...

The time where summer starts getting ugly, I suppose.

On a side note, 'What Happened to Goodbye' will be out in May 2011, according to her blog. yes! I will look foward to the day get to read an excerpt from her website!!! (evil, toothless grin)


Can you believe it? July is here already. In a moment, everything flashes by, and you're left standing, wondering what the hell had just happened.

What did I exactly (besides procrastinating) do for the past six months?