One of my philosophies of life is to never question- okay, rephrase, never regret a decision I've made or chosen (wait they're both the same -.-), but right now I'm really starting to question that. I keep on wondering how it would've been if I had chosen art instead of science, and the recent exam has only made me think more about it because honestly, my grades aren't up to expectation and looking at everyone around me getting better grades effortlessly just makes me more than pissed it deflates me.
man this paper was tough she said, yeah it was omg i'm gonna fail so worried right now three months later she gets a fucking c or borderline b and her friends get an a it's not even amusing to her anymore
hi, when i tell you about my feelings i'm being honest and genuine here if the paper was easy for you please do say so and not give me false hopes we were in the same boat thank you very much a thought like geez how did i even survive high school with you just passed through my mind and i thought it was really, really super mean it actually appeared in my mind but whatever i'm just sad here so imma type it out because one, you won't read this anyway and two, you probably don't fucking care.
It seems like I'm too stupid for you guys to notice anyway. Yeah go on with your intellectual discussion there don't mind about me sitting behind you alone hurt because you didn't even ask what grades I got or show any form of concern anyway and I am just tired of constantly being the one to attempt to start a fucking conversation. And plus I'm probably too stupid because I didn't get A's like you did I am sorry I ever existed in this place perhaps I would've done better as a fucking table yeah that sounds great maybe I can be the chair Yesung likes to sit on or the mic during EXO's stage performances or become Onew's favourite chicken yeah I don't mind.
Some people get tired after a while. I'm one of them. K-Pop has been a great motivation and distraction for me, and it still is, but I know I can't run away from reality forever. Wallowing in self pity hasn't been my style for quite some time, but I don't think I can keep this in much longer. It's been inside me since months ago, just that at that time it seemed like turning an eye away from it seemed easier I guess.
I can do this. So many people have survived and lived with negativity. At least I have best friends outside of school that I know do care and my daily fix of k-pop to bring me happiness. I should be contented and strive for more. What am I going to do about my grades? Well, the logical thing to say this instant would be STUDY HARDER AND GET A'S but from a realistic perspective, it'll be hard. Possible, but hard. It'd take constant, daily studying, and my internet/computer usage will probably be cut down A LOT. :///
I'll just do the best I can under circumstances, and at the same time, making myself happy and trying to obtain as much as I can the best of both worlds.
I can do this.
