Law Olympiad on Saturday. And this, along with my much-procrastinated add maths project has been bugging me since forever, giving me hell nights in which I find it hard to sleep through. Okay, there are always exceptions where I get to enjoy myself and forget about it, but in the end reality is such a stubborn bitch in the butt and it still doesn't give up wanting to snap at you.

I've really been feeling down and low recently. The Harry Potter movie was okay. Read the book for more than five times so I knew what was going on, not much of surprises there. The only thing that surprised me was how they depicted Snape's love for Lily, how he hugged her and cry. In my imagination it wasn't like that, but the emotion in the movie was so, so raw I felt sad and depressed during those moments. One of the bad sides of the movie, Albus Severus Potter is too Bieber. Aside from that, no complaints here.

Anyways, coming back. I hate it when I get so stressed up myself. The pressure that everyone expects you to be champions in any competition. For me, I feel that living up to expectations is always the hardest thing in the world. They set the target for you (sometimes insanely and murderously high) and you can't help but feel... I don't know. Scared? Stressed? What if we fail? What if we don't live up to people's expectations and destroy our seniors' records?

I always tell myself that if I am stressed, I just have to de-stress myself. Simple as that. But I don't know why I can't seem to be able to do that now. Time is ticking away. And I know you're probably thinking 'time is slipping away why don't you stop bullshitting around and go do something useful and make yourself useful to society isn't of just sitting here whining like a baby you stupid bitch?'

I'm just so scared. It'd be all glorious and crap if we got first place but this is the price I have to pay.

I feel really heavy, like the past few days I've just been walking around aimlessly with my eyes closed/half-closed or something.
Ther should not be anymore fucking ECA programs after Law Olympiad. I'm sick of them right now I can literally vomit blood if there are anymore of them. I just really want some time of my own now, gearing myself up for trials and having a bland school life wihout fucking assignments to fucking finish and crapshit competitions or ECA activities to participate in.

Fuck this all.

I finished Delirium last night. Most of the novel strongly reminded me of The Giver. The whole rigid society, the inability to experience emotions, it all just kept me thinking of The Giver (Lois Lowry. It's an awesome book, perfectly poised and beautifully written). If I were to compare, I would definitely choose The Giver over Delirium because the way both books are written are different. But that just means it is unjust of me to compare. Sorry, I'm being paradoxical here. Oops. Anyways, in terms or the setting and such The Giver definitely won a place in my heart; the way it was written was just too... real in a sense that one can relate and actually feel themselves in that particular moment inside the book. Delirium was a bit... I don't know, it just made me feel that Lauren Oliver was so excited and trying to include every piece of information of her dystopian society inside the book that it just becomes unnatural. For me, that is. The Giver doesn't really show that much force of that sort of introduction. If there was one, it would've been subtly included in the story. I'm not faulting Lauren Oliver for anything like that, God no, i just wanted to say that as an amatuer writer myself, I have experienced this sort of feeling and situation before. How do I know? Well, looking back at those old documents stored in my computer, I only laugh at myself for the stupid writing style that made me sound like an over-eager puppy.

But still, I read on, trying to find a spot that would actually prove that my opinions were wrong and that this book deserved a chance after all those raved reviews from people who probably never read before The Giver. I was just flipping page by page, finding, and hoping that I wouldn't be disappointed. And I wasn't. In the end, the book managed to prove me wrong, somethig that I am
very happy about till this very minute. The ending was EPIC and excellently executed. It was so hauntingly beautiful. I kept reading on, the build-up and the build-up and the build-up waiting for that moment to happen, and it did. Yes, the ending was just epic. It is one of the best I have ever read that keeps you wanting more. I felt it then, the feeling that I was sucked into the book like how I experienced it in The Sky is Everywhere and If I Stay. It's a Romeo and Juliet love story plus The giver dystopian-in-disguise utopia.

There's a sequel coming out next year. And the cover is horrendously ugly. But, for the sake of the story, I will read it. I just hope that the cover I buy would be a nicer one. Teehee. Oh, and please, Lauren Oliver, with all my heart and utmost sincerity, I beg of you, NO LOVE TRIANGLES PLEASE. We do not want another Twilight or Bella Swan coming into the story and ruining the experience for us readers. Thank you.

Sleepy. The whole day I was in Newcastle Nusajaya visiting and paying attention before going for add maths. Right now, my brain is exhausted from all that so I think I'll sleep now. G'night

sometimes
when i am with them
the world seems to get
smaller and smaller
the walls closing in
until they come
crashing
down
on me

but when i am
alone
the horizons disappear
nothing seems to matter anymore
except for
the quiet whisper of the wind
telling me
that

i am
free.

I've been blogging so much about books lately that it scares me. Shouldn't I be slaving over add maths or trying out some Lit exercises to better myself as seeing these subjects need constant attention? It's really frightening the way everyone's starting to freak out over our trials, even thought they are a month or two away from the present.

Wait. Holy crap. I'm gonna sit for my trials and I have not study one bit. Holy shitting cows! I should dig my grave now.

Anyway, coming back my post, I have just finished reading The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting, and am right now wondering why the hell didn't I pick this book up sooner. the suspense was unbearable. Well, okay, fine, it was slightly bearable as seeing I could survive not reading the book for four freaking days just because of Sports Day, even though I was already somewhere in the rising action of the book. Still, I just want to highlight how awesome the book is for it's chilling suspense! My hands and feet were cold and sweaty by the time I finished the book early morning today. There was a review printed on the book on the cover saying that "you'll be drawn by the love story and kept up all night by the suspense" or something along those lines. The latter is most definitely true, I can assure you, but as for the romance it was a bit...... err, I don't know. The build-up was okay and interesting, but towards the end it just reminded me slightly of Twilight. Do we females always need to write such unnecessary, extravagant, romantic scenes just for our comfort? Are we really that (dare I say) shallow to seek confidence or comfort from silly things like these?

Okay, before I launch into slightly-feminist mode I should come back to this post. The suspense of the book was great enough for me to look past the disappointing romance in the story. Yes, for me, it was that good. How many crime/mystery/suspense novels could grip your attention for so long? Not many. But this one can. The way the story is told in the third person perspective made me feel complete being able to read every scene. It would definitely be a shame if the scenes were limited to the narrative style of writing. Hoever, I did feel that the ending was a bit anti-climatic for such an awesome build-up. I'm not saying that Kimberly Derting ended things terribly, but I feel that there could've been a better way to wrap up the story instead of the usual 'BANG! Then spoof! epilogue that is set months later with a brief explanation for what happened'.

Oh well. I'll just seek solace from the sequel. Can't wait to get it soon! I'm still saving for it! XD

Oh! And I found another reason to look foward to next year aside from the Percy Jackson and the Kane Chronicles series! There's a third instalment for TBF series (The Last Echo) and the cover is amazing! Yay! More Violet to come!

holy shit I am so behind times the cover was revealed at the end of May why did I forget to check omigosh the cover is so fucking cool dudes this is way better than my previous post gosh Percy looks freaking awesome he kicks ass man I can't freaking wait to get this book damn October so freaking close to SPM darn it I so want this book and omg he remembers Annabeth even though he lost his memories!!!

I apologise. That got wayyy out of hand. But I'm just so excited for this book! The last book was kind of a disappointment for me because Percy didn't appear at all! Note: being mentioned is different from making an appearance in the book. Gah. So many great stuff coming at the end of the year... Injustice much?

PERCY!!!! Gah, I miss the times when Annabeth would kick his butt.

Finally.

Behold! The much long-awaited cover has been revealed! Can't wait to read it! The cover looks so.... wow. Definitely made an impression on my mind. I hope this is as good as Once Was Lost! Fingers crossed!

Drawing and painting those Teresa banners have really sucked the life out of me. I just thank the unseen forces- okay, rephrase, that sounded wrong. I just thank my lucky stars that I have Jie Yu slaving over the banners with me and the occasional help from the drifters that float by.

But even so, I just feel so fucking tired, and like all the spirit of Sport's Day is being vacuumed out of me like a drilling machine on the roll. I don't know why.

The others can't even care less about the banners. They just wanna paint a little and get the marks, despite not dong much. The things that they've done probably aren't even worthy of the marks they're gonna get. I just feel so.... frustrated. I know I shouldn't say this, because at least they've helped in some way, and I should be grateful for it. But for some reason, I'm just not. Somehow my feelings machine has broken down and I'm just sitting down here wondering when it would actually get patched up. It's just so fuckng hard to stay cheerful and optimistic when the spirit wasn't even there to begin with and your teammates start to act like immature, bratty babies and don't give a shit just because things aren't going their desired way. If I wanted to let go and not care, I would've done it a long time ago. Why should I keep on enduring all the shit my parents give me for getting myself involved with all that's happening and not carrying out my responsibilities as a student and start working on my add maths? That's the problem, people always think that there are people to pick up the shit they leave behind and think they can just slip back in like nothing ever happened when things start getting smooth again. When are we actually gonna grow up, put aside all that immaturity and start acting responsibily?

I hope a good night's sleep takes away some of this shit. All that 'all talk and no action' attitude really pisses me off to no end.