vents and rants don't make a difference

It's the stones and pebbles that pricks our feet along the road that makes us grow up.

But suddenly, I don't want to grow up anymore.


Just because I landed myself in the pits and didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean I can't handle things, and it definitely doesn't mean I have to shy away and leave every reponsibility handed to me to someone else and run away, and live in my own world where I don't communicate and just do my thing.

How ironic.

I'm always doing it, I live in my own world sometimes, despite the fact that I'm aware of everything going on around me and I just choose to ignore them. But it's only sometimes. And it's my right to not divulge information I choose not to, just like how you keep your own secrets. Like you, I keep my own secrets too, and I am far too selfish to let you in. So go away.

I can handle it. I must handle it. Because despite how much I despise going through these stupid fucking times, I have to, because I am expected to and I wish to prove that I can do better than what people expect of me.

Because sometimes, miracles are born from the spirit of believing.

And I wish that miracle would just happen.

I don't deny I am human, because sometimes I am forced to face my insecurities too. Like now. But life's too goddamned ironic and contradictory for me to figure out, so who am I to say? I cannot put my current feelings now down on paper with words, because they have abandoned me becasue I am not good and smart enough to think of the precise words to use and am too stupid to do anything.

If you think what happened at the start of school didn't affect me, you're so fucking wrong. But you don't need to know how I felt, because one day I'm gonna leave this shithole and do my own thing, because I don't need anymore suppression shit coming from you and I'm sick of it.

Because you don't ever fucking listen.







I'm scared. But I can't cry. Or they'll know something's wrong and the whole fiasco will start over again.