Salt on Black Friday. Was okay, Angelina Jolie was awesome as usual (hot chick), but the plot could have been improved a bit more. They should really produce a sequel. It could probably even be called 'Pepper'. Haha...
I wrote a long vent about my feelings lately, but suddenly my computer decided to self-shut-down, leaving the rant unsaved. And obviously, vents are depressing, sad and melancholic, and I'm not really in that state of mind where I can gladly type everything back again like it was normal.
I just hope that you can tell me what's wrong, instead of me having to guess your moods youare experiencing lately. It is very hard to start a conversation with you recently, unlike how it used to be where we can just chatter on forever. I am very sad. Is it me? You have to tell me, because four years of bestfriendship is very important to me, and I don't really want to lose a great friend like you who has always been with me, especially the times when I needed you. But now, it's gone. And I don't know who I can turn to anymore, because you seem very eager to get rid of me. And although I sound self-conceited, but I am the type where when I feel you are pushing me away, I will stop talking to you because I feel you do not like me, and to save both ourselves from trouble, I go away.
I don't want that to happen to us, because you are my best friend, and it really hurts to be pushed away. So, I am hoping that you can tell me what your problem is, since we are best friends, wait, more than best friends (for me, that is, I don't know how you see it in your perspective) I don't mind if you criticise me for something I have done unconsciously to upset you. I don't probe, because I know you don't like it, and right now, I am hanging on tightly to the belief that you will tell me when the time is right.
It just hurts to be ignored by you, okay? I know I am right now classified as attention-seeking and pathetic, but I just cherish these years of best-friendship so much that I don't want to lose it. I just hope you understand, and can tell me if you actually don't want me to hang around with you.
I am sad, I am really very sad. Because sometimes when I just happen to glance at you, I see a tinge of disgust and disapproval towards me in you. I know I am not the best person to be with, and I have my faults, but I am working on them so I can be better, and we can patch up this piece of friendship I treasure a lot. I am trying to be patient with you, but I am not a saint. Is it because of my previous sudden period of business that has somehow let you think I don't need you? No, it isn't like that. Never was. Or is it because there was a time I was constantly absent in class and school that made you move on? I know, life moves on, people move on. But is it too late for me to mend this weird feeling similiar to cold war you have been seemingly pouring me with? If it is so, and I am a nuisance, it would be nice if you could just tell me you are sick of me and want other better friends far more better than me. I will grieve, and probably cry, but at least I know what your true feelings are, and I will know how to act on them.
First it was the settling down after the period of busy-ness, then I thought it was because of the music examination, but now, I don't know what is bothering you.
I am sorry if I unconsciously upsetted you over something, I am really very sorry. But I hope this last time works, because after some time, I will interpretate your body langauge as you don't want me wherever you are, and I think I wll stop trying.
You don't want to tell or people to know, youu act like normal, okay? People worry, and when they ask and you say "really? No, I'm okay," but you show that emo face saying that everything's not okay, it just sometimes make me want to goddamn ask you what the hell s wrong. You don't tell, no one will know. you don't tell, I won't know, because only like 2 percent of the best friends in this world have this telepathy thing, but not me, I am not a sixth sense person.
I am really very sad. This has made me change my perspective about the word 'change' itself. I used to accept it, and move along with it, but right now, I'm not so sure anymore.
