Sometimes, you wonder whether you made the right decision or not, and you wonder what would have happened if it was the other way around, if you were to choose the other option/path laid out for you. You wonder, as you look at the sky, what it feels like to be free like the birds that fly to their heart's content, yet, after a moment's pause, you wonder if you were that bird and got shot by a barbaric inhumane hunter, and everything's gone just in a sudden, so unexpectedly.
As you sit at the back of the car, resting your head against the head rest, you wonder what would it be like if you were in someplace different now, leading a different life, instead of the crappy life you've been shitting for god knows how long. Yet, something hits you, and you start wondering if you were born into someplace worse than what you're going through now, and you shy away from all thoughts you have in your mind and close your eyes to sleep.
You wonder if the decision you made was correct, whether it was correct to accept without questioning, to relent and give in to something you would much rather not. You wonder, as you stop and see the backs of the people you're always behind of, why is it always you the one chasing after them, and them always being the ones getting further and further away, until you can't catch up. You wonder, past all barriers and thoughts of being a self-indulged, attention-seeking bitch, why the hell is it always you and not them?
You wonder just why you can't let go, and drift, fade, dissolve, disappear into nothingness.
Sometimes, you just wonder what it feels like to just die and not care.
