The end is coming.

And so, new beginnings arise and we will never be the same again.

Well, what can I say about 2011? It was a very fruitful year, I gained and strengthened friendships, discovered more about myself and experienced many different emotions under various circumstances. It has taught me much, I must say, and made me grow into a better person. Before this, I didn't how to say no, and this trait just made me more miserable than ever because it's hard to keep everything inside from bursting. I was once afraid of ill judgments being passed on me, hence I was quite self-conscious and didn't speak my thoughts much. I think friends around me know clearly that once upon a time the word 'sorry' would always come tumbling out of my mouth every few seconds or so. I did that partly because I felt bad I couldn't meet up with their expectations, and that I wished they wouldn't judge me because of the mistakes and wrong things I said.

But, I have learnt better this year. I want to thank my one of my best friends, Denise Tan for helping me find myself and letting me just be myself and let loose once in a while whenever we go out on Friday afternoons to Mr. Chua's physics classes. Throughout those few hours we always had many great laughs, shared our few darkest secrets and always always told each other our feelings and what was on our minds. No barriers. I can't thank you enough darling, because I have learnt that the world isn't going to end just because I did something wrong or said something I assumed was offensive.

I also wanna thank my friends for accepting the change in me this year. I was also quite shocked myself when Siok Zhao suddenly commented one fine day in class that I stopped saying 'sorry' recently. But, nothing happened. They accepted me for who I am and laughed along whenever I teased them for their actions.

Accepting oneself isn't easy, and neither is being proud of who you are too. But I'm slowly working towards that, it's my ultimate goal at the other end of the road. I've accepted that sometimes we can't be perfect, and that we shouldn't judge people for their likes and preferences because we might one day change and become like them.

In short, you don't do what you don't like people to do to you.

Better time management, experience, moderation... these are only a part of what 2011 has taught me.

So, thank you, 2011. Thanks for being such a happening year and allowing development within myself. This is the most eventful and fruitful year I've ever experienced throughout my 17 years of existence, the most hectic one being 2010. Life couldn't have offered me a better chance to grow and keep growing and continue my journey of self discovery.

Bye, I won't forget you, 2011. See you when I see you.

And I would live again, live the way I've been, I would tell the world the truth. — If I could fly.

I'm feeling an immense pang of melancholy inside me somehow.

Gosh, I don't even know why I'm sad, I'm such a sad existence.

PMS maybe? I don't know, I don't keep track of my menstruation cycles, and what's worse my cycles are always changing and sometimes it doesn't come at all. But gah, who cares about that. Periods suck.

I wish I'll feel better tomorrow. I'd hate to end the year with a sad note.

I have been sleeping at 2 AM plus plus in the mornings for the last two days. Wait, no, I slept at two today and yesterday.

Gosh, I wonder how I'm gonna cope when school reopens (holy shit did I just type that?!) college starts on the 2nd. Heard we have an orientation with the seniors where we have to get signatures. Damn, I'm already so old next year, this ain't some MRC camp or the prefect orientation. Signatures indeed, I hate those.


I have to get my mind off the internet and those stupid HILARIOUS entertainment shows or else I won't be able to focus. Sigh.

2011 ending in... *counts with fingers* TWO DAYS.


WHOA.

I went there to escape from the people I didn't really want to see, but I ended up realising I'll be seeing most of them anyway.

Stupid shit, damn.

It's late. Or way early in the morning.

I'm turning into something I used to despise.

Like every other fandom, I just hope this dies down.

I used to hate look down abhor don't like those people in school who craze over K-Pop bands and and those wannabes who grow bangs and fringes (especially guys) just to look like the pop stars. Seriously people, those stars have professional image consultants and hair stylists who they pay the earth for just to get them good-looking and presentable (albeit slightly weird) to society, while you have none. Hence, stop trying to look like them, you're doing a terribly lousy job and every time I see those guys with uber long fringes covering half their faces in shopping malls I just feel like hitting them with all my shopping load. Do the world a favour and just be yourself. It's really frustrating to see guys who constantly flip their girly fringes and always make sure the fringe is in position to cover their foreheads. It is at times like these my fingers itch for a pair of scissors.

It ain't cool people. God knows why you're doing this to yourself. I'll never understand this. Why can't the whole world just shave our whole heads bald? Then baldies would be a common occurrence and people would stop asking if you have cancer when you shave your head. Seriously.

But that creepy behaviour is just for the obsessive people. I haven't gone to that stage yet, and I swear I never will (I already hate cosplay, much less this).

I just find it weird that suddenly I find a Korean band acceptable. I've had obsessive phases with various fandoms before actually, especially this year since I tend to procrastinate and run from stress and get distracted. My previous phase with some other fandom died down after a week, so I'm monitoring when exactly this phase I'm going through now will die down.

Then life can return to normal. Yay.

I still retain my sanity, but I just can't stop watching those funny entertainment shows about them and laughing my ass off. It's been so long since I had a good laugh, hence now I wonder whether I'm addicted to the music band or the feeling of laughing itself. Wait, that was a contradictory statement. I guess my sanity's really gone. NO, WAIT- Gah, I think I'm in denial.

I still find it hard to accept this part of me. Is this considered a part of growing up? Sis went through this period before, same age, just a few months earlier than me (hence the numerous TVXQ posters plastered on our bedroom walls; they still creep me out every night). She got out of it, so I think I'll be fine. Well, at least I hope so.

I think I should just publish this post before I actually get second doubts. I've decided to blog about memorable events in my life after all so that I could look back when I'm older, so this crazy phase is a necessity I suppose.

But, since you guys are probably judging me now, I'll just dig on my grave since I'm already in so deep and post a picture of my current object of obsession interest.

LOL. That was a joke posted on Tumblr. The shot was probably taken during one of their live performances and photoshop-ed for humour. Here's a better picture.

Okay, I admit. He looks really feminine. Femininity seems to be the trend for Asian pop stars recently. BAD. Mankind is doomed, pun intended. I like his natural smile when he's not posing for pictures. Came across some of the poses he does for the camera when I was searching for decent pictures of him to include in this post and I was really tempted to puke, in a bad way. With all due respect, they look disgusting. Him being natural is much better thank you very much.

I still can't believe I'm doing this. The sky is falling and the world is ending in !@#$%^& days.

She's fine most of the time
She takes her days with a smile
Moves like a dancer in light
Spinning around to the sound
But sometimes she falls down

Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders and put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need

She likes New York at night
She dreams of running away
Shine on bright like the sun
And even the sky turns gray
I need you to hear me say
I need you to hear me say

Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need

Let go of our fear, let go of our doubt
Let go of the ones who try to put you down
You're gonna be fine, don't hold it inside
If you hurt right now then let it all come out

Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need

Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need

Let go of our fear, let go of our doubt
(Let the life that you live be all that you need)
Let go of our fear, let go of our doubt
(Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me)

I teared up at the balloon guy part. It's just too sad, 'will twist for food'. Such a beautiful, uplifting song. :')

Last Train Home, Gonna Make It Right, You and Me, 11:59. Ryan Star is the best.

Okay fine, so the only thing we got out of the 800th chapter of Detective Conan was a narrow-down of who Bourbon could be?! GOOD LORD Aoyama Gosho, I EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU.

Damn you. You could've given us something better. Oh well. My guess is that Bourbon is Subaru, because Vermouth did mention that at least Bourbon gained some trust for some time in the chapter, and Haibara did loosen up to Subaru in the next chapter (she was downright paranoid of the guy since the time he was introduced to the series). Plus, there were quite a few suspicious hints of Subaru being Bourbon, one of the obvious being him drinking a glass of bourbon in the early parts when he was first introduced. Plus, Haibara is like, a sworn enemy of Vermouth, so of course Vermouth would say that because Subaru gained Haibara's trust. And then she'll edge in and kill her.

It's impossible for Sera to be Bourbon, because in chapter 801 she saw a glimpse of Akai Shuichi (maybe?) and ran after him but only to lose him, thinking that it must be impossible. Hence, she could be Rena posing as a student to infiltrate the school. No wait, wasn't she an undercover agent in the Black Organization for the CIA? So Vermouth could've been talking to her.... Gah. She has equal suspicion. Vermouth mentioned about some promise Bourbon made to her, so maybe Rena promised to be loyal or something? NO WAIT. EPIPHANY HERE. Wasn't it Rena who informed Conan and the gang about some new guy named Bourbon in the Organisation??? IN THAT CASE, SERA ISN'T BOURBON!!!!

B-U-T, that whole case will only stand if Aoyama Gosho confirms that Sera is indeed Rena. Bleh. Bzzt bzzt~~~

Just read about a theory that Sera could be Akai Shuichi's sister. AND THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. About the chasing-after-scarred-Akai-Shuichi and the not-the-Bourbon-suspect theories. Plus, their eyes look so similiar! Definitely siblings in my opinion.

As for Amuro... Nah, it can't be him. True, the new guy is the most always the most suspicious in most cases, but why would he help Kogoro with the computer password by sticking the hint under the table when he pretended to adore Kogoro so much? He acts dumb in front of Kogoro and co., but secretly he knows what's going on. Hmm. Suspicions suspicions... Gah. Don't think it's him. I sense another Hondou Eisuke case here.

Wow. A whole post about the possible Bourbons. It's been a long time since I had a rant about manga.

:/

You know what? DC's been going on for so long now. I think Aoyama Gosho's just wants to finish the series with 1000 chapters, so he's just adding as much cases as he can with slight plot development until he reaches maybe 900++ chapters and then BAM! he starts putting the pieces together. That's what I think. If not, I do sort of feel that the series is kinda dragging a bit too long now. Dude, even Inuyasha ended last year! DC, with all due respect, I do hope you come to a conclusion soon. Oh Conan, just turn back into Shinichi already! I'm starting to lose hope in you, you know?!